The Truth, and Nothing but the Truth...

...no matter how pathetic.  Okay this is totally gonna sound like plea for pity, but I promise I just need some input, really.  I just don't want to spend one more year with the same habits now that Becca has gone back to school again.  What habits?  Well, at least this year I have been getting up with her so we can have scripture study before Ryan leaves, but then when Bec is gone, I revert back to the old habits - sleeping half the day away, ignoring my chores, being a total slug.  I know I should just call one of the girls from my ward and do something, but what?  I don't know how to be a friend anymore.  I think it stems from years of battling depression and being burned badly by my best friend years ago, among other things.  I think we're on top of the whole depression thing now, but I am left with some very bad habits and thought patterns that I am dying to replace.

People in the ward are so nice to us, have had us over for dinner and stuff like that, but I find that I am a TOTAL coward when it comes to reciprocating.  I still have this old voice that says 'They've already got people they hang out with,'  'They would only be saying yes because they don't know how to tell you they aren't really interested,'  'There must be something odd about you that turns people off,'  stuff like that.  I wonder if everyone must think I'm too busy or I'm a snob because I don't ever initiate anything.  I don't think I am... just a ginormous coward.

So, anyway...I think that's pathetic enough for one day.  But, hey, it's out there now.  Suggestions are welcome.

Comments

Janice {Run Far} said…
I never in a million years would have guessed that you suffer from Depression. I have suffered from it on and off (mostly on) for a long time, and I know what you mean about bad habits you form during your bad months and then having a hard time getting out of them. It is just baby steps and taking everyday as it comes and then before you know it things are feeling better.
I have always been one that was the first to invite new members of the ward over for dinner and planning social get togethers. i loved being social and I love just getting to know other people and what makes them tick. I feel so bad that we never really had you guys over and not that this is an excuse, but, I really always just thought you were to busy and probally doing something with your family cause you guys are so close. I totally think the best thing is to put yourself out there, it is so hard at first but adventually it is second nature. On the other hand, since being here in Kentucky, I have reverted back to some bad habits and have found it really hard to put myself out there and meet people and have dinners or girls night out. I am certain that this post was for me, to get me out of my slump and start putting myself out there again. Good luck, you are such an amazing women and you have so much to offer anyone in a friendship.
August 28, 2008 at 2:43 PM
Anonymous said…
So. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I had...sometimes revert..just ask Tari...to my same old hermit habits. I've had to feel dumb A MILLION TIMES but just made myself do it and participate.I still get nervous and worry I'm bugging someone. I still have some bad days but it's a learning process. When in doubt...just come over!

And then. I feel like a TOTAL bad daughter of God and your basic variety of schmuck. I've been wondering for awhile if you've wanted to go with us and stuff and just never acted on it. So I apologize to you AND to my Heavenly Father for not answering your prayers. I'm a total shmuck and will be better! You are awesome! Love ya
August 28, 2008 at 8:49 PM
Tara L. said…
Brooke I wish that I would have tried to get together with you while I lived in Vernal. I had a really hard time while I lived there. Most of it was because I wasn't with my husband and partly because I just felt like I never quite fit in there. Most of that is my own fault. I should have tried harder. I ended up just hanging out with my mom, which was great because I love her so much, and now I miss her so much. But, sometimes you just need a girlfriend. You are not alone in feeling the way you do. I think all of us go through that at some point. I am just sorry I didn't make the effort, we could have been great friends that just lived across the street from each other. Can we still be blogging buddies?
August 28, 2008 at 11:04 PM
Geier's said…
You are gigantic dork of mega proportions! The are half a million people in the ward who would love to spend time with you! espeseially me!!!! You need some good old exercise too, endorphines will help with that depression, and this comes from someone battling 7 years of PPD. Music is good, and can lift you up, but you knew that. Stop being silly, and go on a walk with me, or exercise with Kim, or Tari, or Michelle, or me, If you are able too. And there is nothing wrong with sleeping when you are preagnent. You aren't going to get much sleep when that pretty little baby is born, so get it when you can. If you need help call. I don't hang with anyone in the ward, we haven't even been invited. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!!!!!
August 29, 2008 at 8:08 AM
Lindsay said…
I totally know how you feel... and I am home all the time (if i am not at home I am sadly at walmart) I'd love to hang out with you any time! Gimme a call! SERIOUSLY!!
August 31, 2008 at 6:12 PM
Audra said…
So I feel this exact way! I just wanted to thank you for posting it so I don't feel alone in my aloneness...does that make any sense? I don't invite people for or do stuff for the same reasons as you and I think you're amazing - I felt like Janice, that you just were too busy with your fam to hang out - not that you'd want to...see, I have the same feelings - well, good luck and let me know if you figure out how to fix it...
September 2, 2008 at 8:30 AM
thOtherMom said…
Now that I'm "retired", I have time (at nearly 1 a.m.) to catch up on your blog. Beautiful tributes to Ryan & Becca!! You are so awesome!

Ok! now all you girls who each feel the same way, GET TOGETHER!!! You have so much to share with each other!!

It's obvious that you need each other! Go for a walk, do some scrapbooking (blogs are easier but not as much fun!) take turns hostessing for lunch, work on Christmas projects, have a movie day. It's wonderful for your mental health! Girls need girlfriends!

Get dressed and out of the house while the weather is beautiful!

Love ya!
Mom (the other one)
September 8, 2008 at 11:37 PM
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